That Burn Victim in the Refinery? He’s Very Impolite!


I hope everyone’s still all aboard the remake train, because the film industry certainly still is. In fact, they’re so all aboard the remake train that they forgot to buy tickets for any other form of transportation; the innovative new horror film plane is sitting in its hanger, sad, lonely, and totally unused. So we’re dealing with this bullshit.

A few thoughts:

1) Don’t we need to revamp the thinking paradigm of people that populate horror movies?  I’m all for a bunch of teenagers sprinting around like chickens with their heads sawed off, screaming like idiots and generally making themselves easy targets, but I pose this question to you, reader: when’s the last time you met a teenager that didn’t have a near-encyclopediac knowledge of popular culture and, therefore, an intimate awareness of horror movie conventions?

I’m not proposing that people being chased by future movie monsters stop on a dime in the abandoned machine shop, quizzically cock their head to one side, and chirp, “My goodness, this reminds me of the axe-to-the-face-scene from Friday the 13th, Part 7!”  However, I am proposing that we at least bestow upon characters just a smidgen of self-awareness, at least as far as culture goes.   Freddy Krueger, for instance, is such a ubiquitous, well-known presence in the film world (at least for people in the general region of my age) that it’s automatically silly and jarring to my ability to suspend my disbelief to see people who have zero knowledge of him.  That person immediately starts to strike me as totally, bizarrely cut off from the world that I inhabit, and as such, I have no attachment to them and no interest when Freddy decides to dance an Irish jig and playfully remove their still-beating heart from their body.

Wouldn’t it be nice to change that one of these days, perhaps develop some sort of a fleeting emotional attachment to the faceless hundreds of teenagers doomed to be eviscerated in horror movies?  I’m not saying we need to make this fucking academy award winning shit, but I am interested in watching characters that are closer to real, or interesting, or at least halfway removed from being brainless sacks of meat valuable only as a victim to the evil dream monster/burny man.

2) I wonder how burn victims feel about this flick, and moreover, it’s place in popular culture.  Clearly, no one is inspired by this movie to actually start fearing people who have suffered burns, but the implicit message, really, is unfortunate: People that look like that are creepy.  I don’t believe this myself, but I’m surprised that some activist group hasn’t made cheap, easy headlines already by feigning disgust and uproar because of Nightmare on Elm Street’s insensitivity to a particular sect of handicapped people.

Think about it this way: there’s really no other handicap that I can think of that would inspire a legendary film villain.  Can you imagine a movie based on a dream monster that, for instance, is confined to a wheelchair due to partial paralysis?  You’d never see that!  People would fucking lose their minds!  It’d be the same thing (and rightfully so), no doubt, if you made an evil force physically characterized by the fact, for instance, that it was a midget!  Or a conjoined twin!  Or an albino!  Whatever physical deformity or irregularity you can conjure up – I can’t envision a circumstance in which it would suddenly be socially acceptable to portray that thing as the defining physical characteristic of a teen-slaughtering, joke-slinging master villain.

Now, granted, maybe we’ve just reached a point where even the perhaps insensitively-portrayed burn victims can look at this, chuckle softly, and say “Fuck.  That is a stupid-looking movie, and I would be totally doing myself a disservice and wasting my own time if I gave it a second thought, especially in regards to my sense of self-worth.”  I don’t know why that person is so freakishly articulate and calm, but hey, it’s possible.  And if we’ve hit that point, that’s great, and I applaud those people, wherever they are, for taking a step back and being able to realize some things are just stupid shit that we should ignore (re: this movie).  However, my sense is more just that, for some reason, this is one of those things that we’ve decided as a culture to accept, regardless of how it could hurt somebody’s feelings.  That doesn’t bother me, but I do find it interesting, especially given the fact that we live in a time in which seemingly every other thing that could possibly offend someone generally ends up doing just that.

3) I am totally fucking seeing this movie.  I am totally seeing this movie, perhaps in theaters (but probably not, because I’m a giant pussy and I will scream like a fucking child when that man with the claw hands comes out), and I am going to cheer my fucking head off when these kids get annihilated.  I’m a little disappointed that Jackie Haley is doing the Rorschach voice so blatantly, but I am excited that he’s the guy this time around.


No Responses Yet to “That Burn Victim in the Refinery? He’s Very Impolite!”

  1. Leave a Comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: