I DON’T WANT TO LIVE IN A WORLD WITHOUT YOU BRETT FARVE

“BRETT? BRETT, IT’S ME, JOHN. JOHN MADDEN. JOHN MADDEN FOOTBALL COMMENTATOR YOUR FRIEND FOOTBALL? BRETT I HEARD ABOUT YOU LEAVING THE GAME OF FOOTBALL AND I COULDN’T BELIEVE IT I HAD TO SIT DOWN ON MY FOOTBALL-SHAPED SOFA AND CALL MY THERAPIST ON MY FOOTBALL PHONE JUST TO CALM MYSELF DOWN – HAD TO CALL A LITTLE TIMEOUT LIKE THE COACHES DO ON THE FOOTBALL FIELD WHEN THERE’S TWO MINUTES TO GO. BUT AFTER THE TV TIMEOUT AND ONE OR TWO BITES OF MY TURDUCKEN I GOT IT BACK TOGETHER, GOT A NEW PLAY IN FROM THE OLD SIDELINES LIKE BOOM AND I SAID TO MYSELF, SELF, I CANNOT LIVE IN A WORLD WITHOUT BRETTY BRETT. I DON’T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE. IF I HAVE TO WAKE UP AND LOOK AT THE SUN SHINING AND KNOW THAT SOMEWHERE YOU AREN’T WEARING A FOOTBALL HELMET OR SHOULDER PADS I FEEL LIKE MY TEARS COULD KICK AN 85-YARD FIELD GOAL TO WIN THE SUPER BOWL SNOW PLOW GAME. TOM BRADY PEYTON MANNING CHEESEHEADS HORSE TRAILER BOOM THAT’S A MAN’S TACKLE, BRETT, AND I DON’T WANT TO IMAGINE A UNIVERSE WITHOUT YOU HUCKING THE BALL THREE HUNDRED YARDS THROUGH SOMEBODY’S THROAT, BRETT. BRETT? BRETT, PLEASE CALL. BRETT?”

“BRETT FARVE FOOTBALL. SADDEST CLOWN, FOOTBALL.”