Woah, Mr. President – that’s some fucking China shit!

I’m a big Obama guy. Have been for a while, now, and I’d like to continue giving him the benefit of the doubt in the infant days of his presidency. In fact, it still makes me slightly giddy to even say that there’s an Obama presidency in the first place, as opposed to any comment I’d make about a McCain presidency, which I’d likely have to make in a panicked screech while running from fireballs spewing from the battered ruins of a post-apocalyptic, hellish future America. My allegiance established, let me just say that the new Cybersecurity Act of 2009 is not a thing that I would be particularly enthused to see him sign into law. And by “not particularly enthused,” of course, I mean it might be time to grow my beard down to my chest and build a fallout shelter into the side of a mountain, because, goddammit, Mr. President – not cool!

The Cybersecurity Act of 2009 (PDF) gives the president the ability to “declare a cybersecurity emergency” and shut down or limit Internet traffic in any “critical” information network “in the interest of national security.” The bill does not define a critical information network or a cybersecurity emergency. That definition would be left to the president.

The bill does not only add to the power of the president. It also grants the Secretary of Commerce “access to all relevant data concerning [critical] networks without regard to any provision of law, regulation, rule, or policy restricting such access.” This means he or she can monitor or access any data on private or public networks without regard to privacy laws.

So, one man or woman gets to decide: a) what constitutes an emergency in regards to cyberspace-related critical infrastructure, AND they get to then shut down all internet traffic and search the personal data of whomever they want with no regard for any standing law on the books?

Is this a job that anyone can apply for? Does it require experience? And, most importantly – can I work from home?

The Friggin’ Act.